With April being #CaesareanAwarenessMonth, and around 1 in 4 pregnant women in the UK having a C-section birth, Amy has shared her story with us.

“My birth wasn’t what I hoped or planned for but it’s still mine, and no matter what it’s also the way I met my son. I’m proud of myself and my body for the strength, resilience, and determination I showed and even if I don’t feel like that every day, I have to remember I created life.

I spent almost 70 hours in labour, I tried my hardest to have a “normal” birth, I pushed myself and my body to its very limits both physically and mentally. I endured every pain with the thought that it would be one step closer to meeting our baby but as the hours wore on things weren’t going as planned. Max was struggling (and in all honesty so was I), hindsight is a wonderful thing and if I could go back I think I would have chosen to “give in” a little earlier and been in control of our C-section but that wasn’t to be…After around 68/9 hours max told me it was time and he’d had enough… he had 3 large bradycardias and before I knew it I was on the way to theatre for a crash section. I was scared, I didn’t know if I would meet our baby, I was so out of control. I’ve never experienced surgery before, and as I was wheeled away from my husband and mum – I was honestly scared I wouldn’t see them again.

They were monitoring max’s heart rate and I was lucky that his heart rate normalised and we were able to attempt a spinal block but it took a number of attempts and I was told they would have to act fast if it dropped again, max held out and with the block in, I was finally laying on the theatre table trying to mentally prepare to meet my baby. The thoughts running through my head were a mixture of fear but also of failure! I felt like I had failed, that I hadn’t been able to birth properly or how it should be done. I had already failed at the first step into motherhood, I reacted to the drugs and couldn’t have skin to skin straight away (I failed again).

Over the next few days, I struggled the feelings of being a failure grew, breastfeeding felt hard, I worried I wasn’t bonding, that I was broken. My body went through trauma, 70 hours of work before serious abdominal surgery, getting up every 1-2 hours to feed max, forcing myself to move around and get active, yet here I was punishing myself for being a failure.

Birth doesn’t always go as you planned, but regardless of how you meet your baby, you are a mum! You gave birth to the life you grew, and NO ONE can take that away. Showing up every day to love, feed, cuddle and be there for that little life is everything they need. You’ll be tired, exhausted, broken down to your very core but you are not a failure!”

“You will heal, grow, and rebuild! Be kind to yourself.”

Thank you for sharing your story Amy.